


Tales of a Drunken Shadow

by Serpex



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: #HABANEROS, Alcohol, Crack, Drinking, Drunk Rogue, Hangover, I Don't Even Know, Kissing, Multi, Rogue is a labrat (But we know Sting is the real #Michael Jones), Rogue x Minerva, Rogue x Sting, Scientist Rufus, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, don't drink kids, drunk crack, high, stingue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 03:59:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9159898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serpex/pseuds/Serpex
Summary: These are a series of random things I think of in my spare time of what would happen if Rogue got drunk. Just a little crack for a man named Rogue Cheney who is getting his alcohol. I'm slightly sorry, slightly not. Have fun and enjoy!





	1. Seeking the Foe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rogue believes he is the best drinker in Sabertooth. And since he's drunk enough to down the guild, he has to find some new drinkers to confide with.

There are a few things about me that most people know. I'm one of the strongest mages in Sabertooth, the Shadow Dragon Slayer Rogue Cheney. I hate mornings. I love Frosch. And my partner is an idiot.  
  
But there are some things that not many people know about me. For example, I drink. A lot. And I don't drink in moderation. I swim in alcohol as much as Sting swims in paperwork. But I'm not a guy who gets drunk. I guess it serves me the title of strongest drinker in Sabertooth. Ever since the guild has been reformed, I've found that there is no one capable of drinking up to my expectations. So it has come upon me there are people who must be sought out after in order to satiate my desire to be defeated. 

And though defeat is humiliating. It is necessary to grow as a person. 

And so it has been... Five minutes since I've left to find a worthy opponent to have a drinking battle with. Yes, five minutes of absolute searching for the destined one. The one who will bring my destruction. 

"IS THERE NO ONE WHO CAN DRINK BEYOND MY HEART'S DESIRE?!" I shouted. 

A woman approaches me. She looks odd with poofs on her head.

"Rogue," she says. "You're wearing Sting's boxers on your head and let me tell you this. Lector printed underwear does not suit you." I turn to her and start to pet her poofs.

"Aye, but it beats being naked young maiden," I tell the young gal. "Now care to point me to your tavern's strongest drinker." She glares at me.

"You dare to pet me like I'm some animal, Cheney? I am Minerva Orland, strongest female wizard in this guild and I will make your life a living hell if you even dare to think that I-"  
I plant my lips onto her and nibble for all women fall before my charm. A shriek rings out and suddenly I am hanging off of the ceiling with all my clothes starting to droop down to the floor. I suddenly felt sick as my world started to spin more and more.

This is the end. I can tell.

"Taste the rainbow," I mutter before I let all of the multicolored unicorn breath I possess rain down.


	2. Letting It Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rogue drank the previous night. And now he's woken up with a major need to take a dump. Unfortunately, his needs overcame his rationality and now he was going to regret it.

I am the lord of darkness, the one who lives in the shadows. I am powerful and almighty. I will not be defeated by this. I will never allow myself to succumb to such a poor demise. I am-

"Rogue!" I look down and see Frosch. He wears the most innocent look on his face and he stares at me and all my miserable glory. My pants are gone and my shirt hangs in shambles from my chest. "Are you okay?" I give him a weak smile.

"I live somewhat Frosch," I reply meekly. Frosch frowns and dread fills me.

"Fro doesn't think you're okay," he says. 

"Why is that?" He points to my groin. 

"Rogue has been pooing for two hours. Fro thinks you need help." He turns and suddenly flies away, leaving the door wide open.

"NO, FROSCH!" I cry. And instead of the exceed, I meet with the eyes of horror and death.

"Rogue," Yukino says after a moment of silence. "Why are you in the girl's bathroom?"


	3. Throwdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sting decides to test a pill with Rogue but it goes horribly wrong.

"Hey, Rogue!" Sting shouted one day. "I've got something special for you." The dark haired man in question looked up from his book to see his blonde roommate.

"What now?" he groaned in exasperation. His boyfriend plopped down next to him and gently landed butterfly kisses around Rogue's face before ending at the flustered man's lips which were already open in shock. Sting suddenly slid a small stick into his cavern and he swallowed on instinct before realizing what had happened. Rogue stared in fear at Sting. The light-hearted one began to laugh uncontrollably.

"Oh my god! You should see your stupefied face, Rogue," he cried. Rogue growled and grabbed Sting by the collar.

"That better not be what I think it is," he growled. Sting smirked and stared with his blue eyes which seemingly dimmed with mischievousness. 

"And if it is?" Rogue threw Sting down onto the couch and straddled over him. 

In a menacing tone, he stated, "If this is another one of Rufus's erection enhancement pills, I'm not fucking you for three whole weeks." Sting gasped and suddenly lost his cool demeanor. 

"You're not serious, right?" he asked slowly. Rogue jumped off of him and walked to his bed. He turned back one final time and glared.

"For the record, I am totally serious." And Rogue fell under the covers. Sting mentally kicked himself. He just wanted to have a laugh. Instead, he got a cockblock because Rogue never lied when it involved their sexual relationship. He was fucked. Or rather, he wasn't. Not yet anyway. Once the pill was in effect, Sting would get his throw down on.

A few hours later, something threw down alright, but it wasn't Rogue jumping his dick.

"Sting," Rogue weakly moaned out. The crimson eyed individual stumbled out of his bed before collapsing on the floor, earning a chuckle from the blonde who'd finally stopped moping and was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on his bed, which laid on the opposite side of the room.

"Sure you don't need more sleep?" he asked. "Someone needs to wash the wake up."

"I don't feel good, man," Rogue mumbled. Sting suddenly knew something was wrong. Just then, Rogue fell over and puked all over the floor, causing Sting to scream like a little girl. 

"Holy mule's arse shit!" he boomed. "Rogue you need toilet NOW!" And with that, the blonde forcefully yanked Rogue's body and shoved his head down the porcelain where vomit rained down straight into hell. 

This continued for a good 15 minutes before Sting finally found it safe to leave Rogue alone. He immediately picked up the phone. 

_"Hey, Rufus. Did that pill you give me have any weird effects? Rogue's not horny. He's throwing up,"_ Sting hurriedly explained.

" _Did you mix it in water?"_

_"... What?"_ A sigh came from the other end. _"Sting, you needed to mix it in water so it can dissolve and have Rogue drink it. That specific pill contains a high percentage of vodka."_

 _"EXCUSE ME???"_ Sting shrieked.

_"Not my fault. You just didn't listen. You have fun now. I expect a re-run tomorrow. But for now, take care of Rogue. If he just started puking, he's got about another hour to go."_

_"AN HOUR?!"_ But Rufus's line had already died. Well shit. Sting wanted to throw down but it was all throw up.


	4. Slip Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sting works at a little store for Rufus and Rogue waddles in after a little nightly fun.

It was a late night. Even the moon had taken a break from tonight, and Sting was cleaning the little convenience store. The old flickering lights twinkled on his blonde locks. He hastily swept and mopped up the store hoping to get most of the wrappers and stains gone before his boss returned in the morning. Although the store had closed hours ago, Sting was determined to prove his work ethic enough to get a raise. Even if it meant wasting away precious hours of sleep, because who sleeps anymore? Sleep is for the weak.

  
Suddenly, the bell above the door chimed and he looked up.

"Sir, I'm sorry. We're clo-"

"Sting~" a slurred voice called. Sting suddenly groaned. 

"Goddamit, Rogue. You know you're not supposed to come here anymore. Rufus is gonna flip. You know how paranoid he gets when the shop smells like your freaking alcoholic mouth. And- ROGUE. IS THAT YOUR FREAKING BIKE? YOU GOT MUD ON THE FLOOR I JUST CLEANED. ROGUE YOU CAN'T DO THAT. NO NONONONO. YOU LITTLE BRAT, I'M GONNA-" Rogue clamped his hand onto my mouth and pulled me into a hug before petting my hair.

"Hush, babe. I came prepared," he crooned into my earlobe. Suddenly, he pulled out a little bottle and Sting came face to face with Mr. Clean. Sting eyes widened in fear. 

"Rogue, don't you fucking dare." Rogue grinned and Sting tried to bolt. But, the onyx haired man was quick. He twirled Sting around and poured the little soapy bottle right down Sting's pants. Sting grimaced in a perturbed motion as the liquid squelched down his butt crack. 

"I hate drunk you," he said in a growling tone.

"I love you too, Stingy boo~" And Rogue collapsed and started sliding down the isle due to the soap trail dripping from Sting's ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a while ago, some drunk guy actually came in with a bike and it was kind of funny and kind of annoying. So, I thought of it suddenly and decided to throw this real life situation into this weird situation. No shame (lol do I really even possess that now xD)


	5. Too Many Veggies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many people hate vegetables, and every person has their own reason as to why, but there are individuals who love them. However, love can go so far before you realize it becomes too much. Sometimes people need a push to understand that boundary. And for Orga, Rogue became that realization.

Hangovers are one of the worst things in the world. And Rogue was victim to them. Sting was busy tonight though so Orga offered to take care of the shadow dragon slayer for one night. Little did he know he was in over his head...

"Rogue, you have to eat this. Soup always helps after a hangover. Trust me. Hey, I even made you a special homemade tomato and chicken noodle soup. Come on, just try it," Orga pleaded.

"No," Rogue responded angrily. "I-urp-won't eat it." And he continued to lay on Orga's couch miserably. Orga sighed and pledged to never take care of the seemingly quiet man ever again. Because as much as he loved his guildmates, only Sting truly knew Rogue. Orga was having none of the same luck on his side. 

So, in exasperation, Orga left Rogue alone with the soup on the warmer. Sting understood why, but warned Orga to check up on Rogue throughout the day. He claimed that Rogue gets curious and will do many things that would be considered highly abnormal.

But Orga being Orga completely forgot.

That night, when he got home, he suddenly remembered what Sting warned him. And god was he right.

It was no secret Orga loved vegetables. It was his way of controlling his diet so he could stay fit enough to hold all the energy his magic required. Yet here Rogue was cradling his babies. It wasn't just one bag of broccoli. Rogue had pulled out all 45 bags of microwavable steamed broccoli and had made them into a fort on his floor. Orga had never seen anything quite as green since he'd dyed his hair. Rogue seemed to notice his presence and jerked his head up. 

There was a moment of silence before Rogue let out the loudest shriek his dragons slayer lungs could create.

"THE GREEN GIANT IS GOING TO KILL ME!" he cried before passing out and landing his face back into the monstrous amounts of vegetables.

Orga made another pledge that day. He wasn't going to have more than 10 bags of any type of vegetable in his house ever again. 


	6. #HABANEROS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Sting walked in at the wrong moment again. And will eat his own words for his mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this, so we're gonna keep going.

"For fuck's sake, Rogue. What did you do?" Sting exclaimed as he raked his nails through his golden locks. "Is there any reason you're in a shopping cart full of habanero peppers?"

"Roguey Cheney picked a pack of brighty peppys. He gave it to Stingy to ate it so happily," Rogue slurred out while handing a hand full to Sting. Sting backed away as the putrid smell entered his nose. 

"Rogue, you're drunk again, aren't you?" Sting deadpanned. 

"Am not," Rogue called back. 

"One of these days will end with me in a mental hospital, Rogue," Sting mumbled. "Alright, let's get you out and -" 

Rogue shoves seven peppers down Sting's throat. Rogue smiles before getting thrown out the window and flying over the whole town with a screaming Sting in his wake. 

A small whisper of "#habaneros" can be heard in the wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and guess what guys! I got surgery yesterday which means I can actually start recovering officially and hopefully not go blind. What does this mean? It means I'll be able to write more stories and hopefully give you all some actual decent content soon ~(-w-")~


	7. Drop Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which one drop out meets another, and a shocking interaction occurs.

**Sabertooth Sensations: A Place For Exquisite Cuisine**

That's what the sign said at least. My name is Sting Eucliffe, and today is my first day as a waitor here at this restaurant. My boss, who was also the manager and cook, is Minerva Orland. My roommate, Yukino, introduced me to her and got me this job since I got kicked out of my last one. I got in a fight with this Natsu dude who was my senior waitor at another place located on the other side of town. It was a little stupid on my part since I dropped out of college and needed whatever money what availible.

I was a little nervous since I heard Minerva wasn't too tolerant of mistakes. And as good as I was, I was bound to do something wrong. But if I could manage to last a week, maybe, just maybe, I had a chance. Yukino said she pays really well.

"Hey, you're the new recruit, right? Stan Gertrude or something?" a voice shouted.

I turned to and stumbled backwards as I came face to face with a tall jacked guy with green hair. I think Yukino told me his name was Toga or something... Sounds weird to be named after an old style of clothing.

"I-It's Sting Eucliffe actually," I said. "And yeah, I'm the new one. I just arrived here, and I guess I'm a little nervous. Sorry, if I was blocking your way or something." Gosh, I sound like a freaking idiot. The guy in front of me chuckled and slapped me on the back, and instinctively I arched it. He began to laugh even harder.

"Hey, it's no problem at all. The name's Orga Nanagear. I'm one of the cooks alongside Minerva and Rufus. Welcome to the crew, Sting!" he said joyously. "Just for the record, I take care of all of our deep fried foods. Minerva is an expert in stir fry and... Actually she knows everything. Rufus more of a waitor like you, but that guy can make some mad stews. Especially this spicy seafood dish. God, it's like an orgasm in your mouth. Anyway, let's head in." _Orga_ , not Toga, wrapped his large arms around me and dragged me inside.

I was almost frozen on the spot. The inside was so much more decorated than the plain stone brick exterior. Inside were magnificent purple drapes with gold adourned in every direction. Minerva came out from the back and practically teleported in front of me before I realized I had barely even moved.

"Sting, right?" she said. "Welcome to Sabertooth Sensations. I've got a uniform in the back for you so you can get changed and the boys can show you how things run around here." I nodded and went back to change. It was a simple black and white outfit, although the pants were a little tight. I was a little bit embarrassed the way it made my butt way too defined. But, what the hell could I say about it.

Hopefully, this day will go well.

**********

It's hard to believe it. But, it's actually happening. Minerva is leaving to open a new branch for the restaurant in another country. She's leaving me in charge. It's been only a year since I've started, yet I've learned so much. It's almost a shame to see everyone leave. Rufus is going with Minerva, and Orga was accepted into a music university up to the north under Professor Gajeel. It was only me now, although Minerva said that she had a new recruit coming by soon. She claimed he was a master, but was a little hard to deal with sometimes. She never gave me a name though, so I am a little curious as to who it would be. The restaurant was closed for today so I could be aquainted with the recruit. I really hope whoever it was would like me.

Just then, the doorbell rang at about noon. I straightened out my new manger's uniform before strutting out confidently with a smile on my face. However, I was really surprised. Nervously looking about was a lanky teen who barely looked any older than I did.

"Hey! You must be the one Minerva mentioned, right?" I asked. The boy looked over and frowned. His eyes scanned me over before he nodded.

"Yeah, that's me. I'm Rogue Cheney. You are..."

"Sting Eucliffe the great at your service," I replied before taking a flamboyant bow. But to my dismay, Rogue didn't even twitch at a grin. Geez, this is a little depressing. Just then, Rogue let out a sigh. Then, it hit me. Literally. Freaking alcohol reeked from his mouth. This guy actually drank before coming here?

"That's great, Sting. Or would you prefer boss?" he said.

"Um, Sting's fine. Come on back and I'll get you fitted for work."

"Chipper," he replied and began to follow me back.

**********

Rogue and I got close over the next six months. He's actually a lot cooler than I thought. A little bit nerdy like me, but holy cow. This kid could cook almost as good as the rest of the gang combined. He worked efficiently and quickly, while I still ran as the waitor. I never could get rid of my social need to talk to everybody.

But, one day something hilarious happened.

"Hey, Rogue. I got you some coffee," I told him after we closed for the day. He thanked me and proceeded to poor a little bit of wine in it. I scoffed but did nothing to stop him. Rogue had refused every vacation day oppurtunity I offered, so he really did deserve a break in any case. After a while of chatting and I decided to take a little drink myself, Rogue and I were tipsy.

All of a sudden, a shriek echoed through the kitchen. I whipped around sloppily.

Rogue had dropped his phone in his coffee.

ROGUE HAD DROPPED HIS PHONE IN HIS COFFEE.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Rogue, you idiot!"

And so the day ended with scalding wine coffee spoiling my shirt. Freaking drop out life lost my motivation to take care of myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What even is my life anymore? Also based off my awesome friend, 3RumorsAboutThis


End file.
